Its hard to understand that feeling
holding them pills in your hand
Its not about dying
not like i havent tried to live
gave it my last breath
literally exhaled my last being
mere humans can only take so much
misery, poisoning me
before that day nothing could break me
indestructible, invincible, concrete wall
no amount of drugs or alcohol
ever made me whole
no one could fool me
i already knew the truth
through my stolen childhood
tainted youth
always having to just continue
Thought i had my share
until you stripped it bare
once again
smashed my walls to smithereens
Took the old me
im fine nothing happened
is the song i tried to sing
whilst the marks around my neck said it all
blessed with a friend
who could see the hurt within
tears streaming said more than anything
pandoras box broke within
Months of replacing time
with a chaotic drug filled life
only made things worse
blinded by the shattered vase
unable to serve its purpose
cracked and broken
dead roses
i chose the only way out
its not easy or cowardice
pure misconception
shatter scene
no human wants to be in
i tried to remain the same
continue and
act like everything was ok
until that day came
i took my life in my hands
except god had other plans
2 to 3 days they said
60 days later that was my home
safe zone
only place i felt id known
Thought id always be
until, immediatley
ejected to a public property
no words to describe
how can you heal
the turmoil multiplied
public places
invaded spaces
Became a full on recluse
unable to be seen
hiding away like i was guilty
i dont want your sorrow or pity
im strong enough in me
no words could truly describe
how much i lost in my life
loosing that time
barely able to breath
unable to leave
to move between rooms
plastic screens divide
so they can keep me on side
this side of life
stay away from the light
life dictated to me
medicated too
dont take those pills
we have these for you
self medication is out of the equation
yet youll prescribe me
what i used to try kill me
but thats ok. you see
cos it was my hand that held them pills
my mouth that swallowed them down
hoping to quiet them sounds
instead i heard a different noise
one i could never forsee
people do actually care about me
locked away unable to breath
them visits meant the world to me
no words could communicate
what your time meant
you can shout the worst words
but no one can take away those moments
everything changed i believed previously
showed me someone could really love me
little brother you mean the world to me
i couldnt even be there for me
yet you showed up regardless
showed me love when i couldnt see above the water i was drowning in
you remembered me, continually
despite everything, your time will always mean the most to me
who knew youd be the one to save me
by showing up
you showed love
meant more than any hug
or fake stuff
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